She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize