Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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