i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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