Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
