apparently the secret to your success is patron
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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