then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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