Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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