I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
that's an acceptable place to lick
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
