she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
