why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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