ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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