you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Randomize
