Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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