its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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