btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
