so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Randomize
