I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
