He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We are two peas in an std pod
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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