it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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