the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
