I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
