I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just google imaged poop.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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