you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
