Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
