I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Randomize
