I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
