I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
