so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
