i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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