i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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