drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
