also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
