Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
