Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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