walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize