I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
