You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
is it fun? or sober?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
