HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Drunk is not a location!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
