all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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