We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I have fence marks all over my body
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
