it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
