I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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