haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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