I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
