I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
