No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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