if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
