I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
