Got a toothbrush?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
