guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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