dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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