You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
