There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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