Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize