He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
whose parrot is this?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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