If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
they need to just BURY HIM!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
