i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
