so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize