I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
