first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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