i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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