It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
