Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
