listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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