I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
