The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
