Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
