I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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