He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
